Well, I’ve come to realize a sad reality lately. My worth as a friend seems to have deteriorated for one simple reason: I’m single. Now, I’m not looking to find fault or lay blame, I’m merely observing what has come to be the norm for me, as a single person surrounded by coupled friends.
Making plans is difficult, because they need to check with their significant other, and see if he/she has plans that day. It would be easier if I had a partner, and their partner could also join. This always puts me second, behind their partner. In some ways I get it and in others I wish things could be different, that we could still maintain our own friendship despite the fact that they are coupled and I’m not.
Confirming plans is harder. There’s no need to let me know in advance if they’re coming or not, or to block off that weekend to spend time together. They assume I will have nothing to do. They will assume they can string me along and let me know last minute. If their plans fall through then certainly we can hang out. If not, that’s too bad, but either way I will probably not be doing anything anyways so I can wait for an answer right?
Well. This is turning out to be far more bitter than I imagined. I guess the more I think about it the more I find the whole thing so offensive. I understand it in some ways and in other ways it feels so disrespectful. Why do friendships have to change as we age? Well, as people form bonds and families, priorities shift and being single makes you quite the pariah. It makes you an outcast.
Even if you’ve come to terms with being single, if you’re content with your life and if you desire a relationship but don’t center your life on finding one, well you’re out of luck. You’re out of luck because you just don’t fit in anymore, you just can’t be part of the gang anymore. You stand out. You’re a wheel. No one can relate to you and your online dating woes. No one can relate to your tales, your experiences, where you’re at in your life. They’re not there, they’ve moved on, and they think what you need is to catch up.