Today is terrible. I woke up feeling lethargic and unhappy and it just got worse. I’m exhausted and I have no energy right now to go through this. I just need this day to end, need to open my eyes in a different morning and see if anything is better.
Winter kills me. The solitude and loneliness drags on. The frigid weather seeps into my bones.
I get a little bit down on myself. I love to write but lately it’s being ruined for me. It’s never wise to compare yourself to other people. I just wanted to join a writing association and I couldn’t even do that. I need to be published. PROPERLY published. The two self-published books of poetry I was so proud of really count for nothing in the REAL world of writing. I’m getting slightly bitter, I know. I’m aware. Forgive me, soon I’ll be back to myself but today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I can’t shake this.
I’ll say it: I’m just very depressed today. I would like to go home and bury myself beneath my covers and beg sleep to come, usher in a new day. But alas that’s not how it goes. I will drag my feet through this day and hope for a better tomorrow. Try not to get sucked in too deep. Try to remind myself, I have a good life, I have so much to be grateful for. Like a virus, these negative thoughts infect you, bring you down–you have to try to fight them. Fight the feeling that you’ve done nothing with your life, that each day you live is another tick added on your list of regrets, moments missed, opportunities passed. Each day you follow your routine, will one day accumulate–a life. A life of what?
Right now, in the firm grasp of depression, it all looks bleak.
Unlearning the Fear 
Been there, what kept me going was that small whisper in the back of my mind that said tomorrow’s a new day. Changing my routine in the morning as soon as I work up worked.
Thanks for your comment, and for sharing your experience. I feel the same, that small voice that whispers tomorrow is a new day is what keeps me going. Which is good. Used to be a time I couldn’t hear that voice. Instead I felt every day was doomed to be this way which led me swiftly down a dark path to what’s the point? Now I’m glad to hear that voice. Interesting about the morning routine I should give that a try. It gets harder in the dead of winter to get out of bed
Great feedback you have an interesting story.
Thanks 🙂