Bad Communication

Source: sunnylam.ca

 

I had a weekend of writing lots of poetry. Which means it was a bit of a roller coaster. I have a hard time dealing with my emotions sometimes. I hate conflict, I avoid it at all costs, which means suppression. I suppress the things that bother me, push them down, away, out of my mind. Then boom. Something tips me over the edge and I lose it. All the things I’ve been trying to suppress come spewing forth. I realized I’m a really bad communicator. I take my feelings and emotions and I write them out. I need to learn to communicate better verbally.

It’s funny because I truly believe that communication is so important in relationships, and yet I’m so bad at it. Probably part of the problem is that experience has taught me, there are some things discussions can’t change. You work a lot and it bothers me. These are facts. We’ve talked about this, around this, discussed, grappled, argued–and still our actions seem to follow the same path, lead down the same road.

So, what does talking change? It frustrates you and saddens me and hardens me a little. I don’t think it has to be that way though. I think maybe if we try, we can work it out together, by talking.

My brother’s words seemed idealistic but I think he has a point (and surprisingly, good relationship advice). He said we need to talk to each other about these things, and try to find a way to meet each other’s needs. We can’t just say, okay, six months from now when this is off the ground work won’t be so busy, and we’ll be fine then. Just accept this for now and the future will be different.

 

Can’t say it. Doesn’t work for me, or for you, because it keeps coming up every now and again. It’s what my brother said–life is right now. You can’t always be living for some idealistic future that you’re hoping for. You need to tell me what you need, and I need to tell you what I need, so we can get through this time together. Not grin and bear it and hope that it will pass and we will come out the other end unscathed.

The irony is, I’m sitting here writing about this.