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This morning I saw you in my memory,
Suddenly recalling last night’s dream,
Vivid though never really
REAL.
You walked the halls with your shy smile,
your gentle manner and a silence that
betrayed your mortality.
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You always held a
Get out of Jail Free Card,
I don’t know why.
There it was, firmly planted in your pocket,
Eagerly flaunted, when needed,
to subdue.
Wealth empowered you,
Soured you
to family or love,
you forgot,
(or likely never knew)
how to trust.
Now re-enter our lives,
Wielding a worn card,
Expecting absolution,
a multitude of wrongs
simply forgotten.
I’m trapped between honesty
and silence–
patterns of the past
prove hard to break.
Source: freehdwalls.net
Raising children
Drudges up the past–
a childhood best forgotten.
Memories of family,
poverty,
Arguments and loss.
A lifetime of lessons
to unlearn,
Shame to overcome.
Wish I could forget the past,
Seeped into my skin,
my soul, my sense of
Self,
Battling each day.
Source: imperfectspirituality.com
At this point we’re
Placeholders,
Painful reminders,
Relations extinct:
Never long enough.
Your gentle caress carries memories:
Lovers long gone,
Forlorn, not forgotten.
Another hand once held mine,
Uttered those words,
Curled up around me–
Warming embrace
Soon expired.
Source: http://www.trekearth.com
Mommy I miss you,
Can’t help but wonder
How you’d be–
How we’d be,
Different now.
Your last breath nearly
Killed me,
I hold on but
Lost hope
Long ago.
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Childhood blinds you.
Growing up in desolate conditions
Somehow blinded to the truths,
To the horrible reality that
Surrounds you.
You feel it in your gut,
Sense somewhere deep inside
The constant tension.
Something isn’t right,
Other people’s lives
Are not like this.
But what it takes
Is time,
And age,
To finally illuminate
The past.
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I was afraid of the dark,
I would hide in the sliver of light,
Let minutes pass me by,
Teeth going uncared for.
Slip back into the room we shared,
Not knowing the depth of poverty
We sunk in,
Just knowing we were somehow less.
A laundry room in our make believe world
Becoming a bathroom for four.
The walk along cold basement tile,
No lights to guide my way,
Was just too much for me to take.
Instead I’d bask in the warm glow
Of lights, sounds, chatter
Of a family alone,
In times of need.
Source: thegospelcoalition.org
Trivial matters cloud my mind,
Obscure truths and realities.
On my death bed
What will my reel hold?
What will memory bring forth
To castigate with?
Happy times and rainbows disappear too easily.
Bitter heartaches remain.
Clichéd aphorisms only ring true
With the decay of the body;
Only come to life
With frailty, obscurity, fear of death.
Why can’t knowledge be the same well
As understanding?
Why can’t I feel it in my bones,
Until it’s too late.
Source: society6.com
I’ve filed you away,
Counted with the losses
And lessons,
From Life.
A sister I once cherished,
Handed over
To my memory,
Living in the obstacles
I face.
You taught me I was selfish,
Not lovable, and weak,
Tried to rope me in with
Fear, guilt, obligation
But I’m done.
Too many years of being
Trampled on
Have made me strong,
Enough to realize
Your hatred is your own
No longer mine.
Source: jijithvarma.blogspot.com
Last night
I uncovered the past,
Sifted through
Letters,
Photos,
Our former lives.
Families disappear
Like butterflies
Fleeing a cocoon
Transform.
Friendships endure,
Others form a wasteland,
Stirring emotions,
Volcanoes that lay dormant:
Willful amnesia.
I recognize the sadness in my eyes,
The momentary happiness
So fleeting.
My arms around your neck,
Loving embrace
Quickly turns to dust,
Morphs into hate.
The past,
I tightly seal
A Rubbermaid bin
To keep the pain
Contained.
Unlearning the Fear 