Pigeon-holed

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Pigeon-holed Pity,

Confine me,

Beneath you:

Rise,

Empowered through weakness.

 

Cowardice and Fear,

lift you Up.

 

Mirrors reflected distorted portrayals,

Manipulated,

Deformed,

to your Ends.

 

I gambled on Magic Beans,

bought your Tall Tales

followed bread crumbs Dispersed

in the dark.

 

Truth finds its way

through your tangle of lies,

motivations, deceptions become

Clear.

 

Suffering carries

Kernels of truth,

Ingrains lessons to guide me

through Life.

Trust: once a friend,

Now always a foe,

My mirror, myself,

I see clear.

Hours

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Work day is done,

I’m home, alone

another day, salvaged hours

without determination,

lacking drive.

These are the hours that trickle

through the hourglass define me

slowly melting as I die

a little further

every day.

Wooed II

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Last night I read to you,

My words sticking in my throat,

Needing to be coaxed.

Eyes closed attentively,

I felt you listening,

Grasping the gravity,

Of words, of vulnerability,

Of peering through a keyhole

To the depths

Of a wounded soul,

Tender, protective, rarely freed.

 

 

Unmatched

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A warmth unmatched,

A gentle calming peace,

I feel relaxed

A little piece of home

When I’m with you.

I’m not afraid to fall,

Each day I feel more drawn

To you.

I’m not afraid to open up,

To let you in,

To let the walls I’ve built

Slowly fall away–

I feel safe.

Nestled in your arms,

Feeling you breathe,

Hearing your heart beat:

Serene bliss.

Escape

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Piercing pain,

Constant throbbing.

Contorted body

Hunched over,

Eyes glazing,

Staring at a screen.

Letters and words,

A blaring lighted backdrop

Diminishing my sight,

Straining my pupils.

My vocal chords grow coarse,

Rust and spider webs

The folly of misuse.

My silent days,

Fingers arched over letters,

Typing away,

Legs shaking,

Voice diminishing

It’s a spiral:

I need an escape.

Expectations

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I’m sitting by the phone again,

Merry go rounds,

Unending.

I take all my desires,

The secret yearnings of a

Worn heart,

Press them firmly,

Tightly as I can,

Until they’re almost gone,

Just barely there,

Gnawing.

I sit here by the phone again,

Familiar feelings rising,

Burning within.

I wish I didn’t need this.

Wish I could just let go,

Find happiness on my own,

No expectations.

Rage

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I feel guilty,

I can’t shake it.

Your hatred makes me cower,

I lose sight of who I am,

I start to hate.

Am I really so bad?

Am I an awful, hurtful, thoughtless

MEAN selfish person

Like you say?

I know intentions are worthless

But they mean something to me,

If not to you.

I never meant to hurt you

Or cause you any pain.

I know I did.

I know the form your pain takes is always

RAGE.

So now we just don’t talk,

I’m left with feeling guilty,

You enraged.

 

Tender Footsteps

 

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Tender footsteps,

Tread carefully,

New ground to stand upon.

I look into your eyes,

Sweetness finds me here.

New beginnings

Setting me aflame,

Warming my insides.

Still an awkward dance,

Stumbling a bit,

As we try

To know one another,

Slowly grow together,

Burying the past,

Starting anew.

Rotting Core

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Insecurity–

Quicksand pulling you in.

Struggling ferociously,

Increasingly becoming

More violent.

Soft spots in your heart,

Emanating hatred,

Oozing from the weakness

Not the strength.

Walls to hide behind,

False mirrors,

Idols to worship.

You build false ties,

Knit webs made of deceit,

Of lies,

To soften your fall

As you trample and stomp

On other people’s hearts

And lives and souls.

One day, try shattering your mirror,

Look beneath your false exterior,

See the rotting core and

Try, genuinely,

To heal it.

Relief

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Relief washes over me

I’m free —

Of doubts

Of the worthlessness

Your looks

Cast upon me.

 

I’ve climbed back in the saddle,

Gripped life by the reigns

Again,

I see myself,

Slowly building

Taking shape

Becoming me.

 

I let myself drown in insecurities,

Yours and mine

Combined

Projected

On me

Deflected

Deftly

By you

Until I couldn’t see where your insecurity

Unleashed itself upon me

And devoured all my faith

But now I see.

 

We just had to fall apart,

Crumble to my knees

Afraid and weak,

Only to stand tall,

Alone,

But strong.