Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com
Don’t know why I thought it was okay,
To feel this way,
To let the pain reverberate
Throughout,
Concealing feelings,
Stamping out the doubt,
Waiting for release,
For you to find
Pleasure in my pain.
Too many movies?
Scenes flashing through your mind?
I want a love that’s gentle, sweet, and kind.
Not pornographic.
Not all the time.
A healthy dose of passion
I can take
But not a love that turns sex into hate.
Source: http://www.repmanblog.com
She tells me she’s lost faith,
She can’t believe,
In men
In love
In purity.
Experience–
A tough master to ignore.
His lies like poison
Made her weak,
Transgressions heard
In disbelief,
Taint future possibilities,
Leave her bound up
In distrust.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.u
Attraction,
Sexuality,
Jealousy,
A tightly wound knot—
Inextricable.
An artist
Appreciating beauty,
Whether canvas
Or flesh,
Loved or
Foreign.
My face—
One among many,
Pleasing,
Inviting,
Seductive.
Magnetic forces
Pervasive,
Intrusive,
Pulling apart,
Disconnecting.
Source: southwestraleigh.com
Cracks in the sidewalk
Capture her heels,
Scratched
Worn
Torn.
A cigarette hangs loosely
Gripped between her fingers,
Her smoke-infused skin
Wrinkles in the sun.
Sweat builds
Around her chest
In bra-shaped puddles,
Running down her thighs.
She marches onwards,
Scorching sunlight
Setting her ablaze.
Aware of gazes,
The corner of her eye
Catching their sight—
Surveying,
Relishing,
Inhaling.
She marches forward,
Chin up,
Resolving—
No one
And nothing
Will ever
Own her.
Source: paintingofstory.com
Somewhere I learned an awful
Truth
A lie wrapped in honey
And sticky molasses.
A lie I can’t escape from.
Man:
Who are you really?
Ogling and cat-calling,
Intellectually stimulating,
Biological,
Genetic,
Socialized?
Do we stand opposed?
Must we battle,
Fight and bleed—
To what end?
I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine that has sort of stuck in my mind, as it remains unresolved. I need more opinions, facts, insights to disentangle this, though I have a feeling it’s going to be a case of ‘it depends’–on the person, the situation, etc. etc. I’ll give it a try anyways.
SO we seem to have discovered a certain pattern amongst ourselves and our close friends–the guy in the relationship tends to be more busy with work than the girl. Again, general pattern, based on our relationships and what we’ve observed of our heterosexual friends’ relationships. My friend then said that all the females she knows who are super immersed in their work actually aren’t in relationships.
This really made me wonder…..
Is it typical for a man to be more involved in his work than a woman?
If yes, why? Do socialization and gender norms play a role here?
Is it harder for successful career women to be in relationships?
If yes, why?
Do these imbalances occur in same-sex relationships? Is there really a pattern based on gender, or is it just a given that one person will be busier than the other? What about aligned values, like work-life balance?
I often hear about friends who are planning things to do without their partners, because he’s busy doing some sort of work, whether it’s his employment or another passion that occupies his time. I really don’t hear the same situation unfolding for my male friends, so I want to know, what’s going on here?
Today, I find myself asking this question: Am I a prude? In truth, I think I’ve wondered this many a time before, but never really voiced it, not even internally. Sometimes things bother me, really to the core of my being, and I feel like I don’t understand why. Human beings are complex creatures and as much as we’d like to think that we’re rational, and that we understand ourselves and to some extent the world around us, a lot of things are just plain confusing. My own motivations and thoughts can be pretty perplexing at times.
I have always striven to understand myself and I’ve come to the realization that I never truly will–no one will ever ‘understand themselves’ whatever that means. We learn and grow and experience life daily, and things are constantly changing. The best you can do is keep trying to understand, knowing that it’s a journey and not a destination.
I think sometimes writing is a good way to take something that confuses you, and grapple with it. Turn it over in your mind and try to understand it, and yourself.
And so I find myself wondering–am I a prude? Why? Well, I wonder this because of the way that I react to things. My partner told me about the blogs of two of his female friends. I checked them out. They’re amazing, and by anyone’s standards very ‘successful’ in the sense that they have a large and growing following of engaged bloggers. They are also both about sex, and dating. They’re very explicit, in terms of language and some visuals, and some events that feature burlesque dancers and almost topless (pasties on the nipples!) women. Instinctively, I feel uncomfortable. I read some of the posts and I feel uncomfortable. I see the tags of masturbation, erotica, porn, blow jobs etc etc and I feel uncomfortable. But why?
I actually really confuse myself. I believe in freedom of speech, I don’t believe some things shouldn’t be talked about because we ‘just don’t talk about them’ or it’s ‘not proper’. So why on earth do I react this way? It’s the same as when I’m watching a movie and there are naked women everywhere, though that I kind of understand in the sense that I’m really against the objectification of women and to be perfectly honest if women are objectified and made to feel insecure about their bodies then I think men should be too. But that’s a side note and an entirely different rant I’d rather not get into.
I’m trying to understand why I’m so immature when it comes to my own sexuality and that of other people. I know this might be a cop out but I think a lot of it has to do with socialization. I was socialized to believe a lot of things that actually as an adult I don’t buy into (ex. Sunday school teaching me I’ll go to hell for masturbating). I have formed different opinions and not simply absorbed what I was taught as a child. At the same time though, these things still seem to hold some power over me.
Two things stand out in my mind. One–Sue Johanson, sex therapist, once said if you can’t say penis and vagina then you shouldn’t be having sex. Really? Well…..what if you just prefer hearing ‘lady parts?’ Yeah, okay that’s really bad.
Second, my mother was quite funny when I started dating. I recognize all of her actions came from love, and she just wanted to protect me and my feelings and not see me get hurt. But she was funny, with my first boyfriend, she sort of made sure we were never alone together. She got so in my head that one time when we found ourselves alone at his place, because I had lied to her, I couldn’t even do anything I just left. I felt so bad and awful and guilty. Anyways, one time as luck would have it my boyfriend and I were going to be the only ones home at my place and my mother knew this. She dropped me off at school and as I got out of the car I remember her yelling after me “remember mama, remember Jesus!!!” Yeah.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I did have sex with that boyfriend and I’ve had an active and fun sex life since, but I think the way I was raised definitely seeped into my consciousness. In the beginning I definitely wondered if I was doing something wrong. I never wonder this now–I don’t believe it’s wrong at all. Still though, I seem to fall on the prude-ish side of the scale, not so much in terms of my actions and behaviour but more so in terms of my response to sex in social media and movies and ads and daily life.
Maybe I’m just immature, or maybe I’m insecure, I don’t know. I can’t seem to understand where my discomfort comes from. I think this is something I’ll have to keep pondering until perhaps some sort of light is shed on the matter. For now though, I’m willing to say at least in part, it’s the way I was socialized. I know, that’s not the full story, but it’s a piece of a puzzle I’ll continue putting together.
Unlearning the Fear 