Self-hatred

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Today I hate myself a little bit.

Not sure why I feel so down,

I feel depressed.

 

I want to sleep and awaken

In a different place

A different mood,

One that I can stand.

 

I can’t point fingers,

Just stare into a mirror,

Blame myself.

 

Or maybe it’s the weather,

The darkened sky

Threatening to rain,

Draws forth my tears,

A magnet for my pain–

Welcome release.

 

I feel like crying and I’m not even sure why.

 

Same old question

Resounding in my mind

Bouncing off the walls

Of solitude and emptiness around me–

What exactly is the matter

With me?

 

Dragged behind my thoughts

Flailing,

Thrashing,

Helpless–

Losing a fight

I just want to

Walk away from.